“With savages, the weak in body or mind are soon eliminated; and those that survive commonly exhibit a vigorous state of health. We civilised men, on the other hand, do our utmost to check the process of elimination; we build asylums for the imbecile, the maimed, and the sick; we institute poor-laws; and our medical men exert their utmost skill to save the life of every one to the last moment. There is reason to believe that vaccination has preserved thousands, who from a weak constitution would formerly have succumbed to small-pox. Thus the weak members of civilised societies propagate their kind. No one who has attended to the breeding of domestic animals will doubt that this must be highly injurious to the race of man. It is surprising how soon a want of care, or care wrongly directed, leads to the degeneration of a domestic race; but excepting in the case of man himself, hardly any one is so ignorant as to allow his worst animals to breed.
The aid which we feel impelled to give to the helpless is mainly an incidental result of the instinct of sympathy, which was originally acquired as part of the social instincts, but subsequently rendered, in the manner previously indicated, more tender and more widely diffused. Nor could we check our sympathy, if so urged by hard reason, without deterioration in the noblest part of our nature. The surgeon may harden himself whilst performing an operation, for he knows that he is acting for the good of his patient; but if we were intentionally to neglect the weak and helpless, it could only be for a contingent benefit, with a certain and great present evil. Hence we must bear without complaining the undoubtedly bad effects of the weak surviving and propagating their kind; but there appears to be at least one check in steady action, namely the weaker and inferior members of society not marrying so freely as the sound; and this check might be indefinitely increased, though this is more to be hoped for than expected, by the weak in body or mind refraining from marriage.” ― Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man
A successful person is built based on the lessons they've learned from failure...
Simply put, what does every person want? Success in their pursuits. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen, beacause people tend to forget to put their dreams into practice. And for many other reasons such as fear of the unknown and laziness.
1. Success mus be planned
Improvised living will give you unexpected results. You will always have a better chance to succeed in any venture if you have a plan. By forming a simple plan, former non-planners will increase their rate of success. (general statistics argue this and also by my own life experiences).
Having a complete vision of your intentions prepares you to execute them and you’ll be more likely to flatten obstacles in your way. It’s been proven to be more effective. In other words, pragmatic persons tend to have more success in life.
Specific intentions work better because vague intentions are open to interpretation.
2. Don't try to climb a mountain before you even leave the house (Dream big but...not so big).
For 2015, my goal is to finally get my degree in Biochemistry with a good mark. I study every day for these two exams. One hour to study every day is precious but it won't get me that far. The value comes from starting and from studying every day. It takes time and perseverence to succeed.
In other words, whenever I have time, I review the lessons I have to known "by heart". I am never intimidated by the challenge, even when I’m sick or tired, or worse when other people try to discourage many (and there are some because they have nothing to do and it's funny, I guess). This one tiny step helps me bridge the gap between couch and science.
When you aim high, intimidation is common, and that puts your goal at risk. If my goal is to ge a good biochemist, I would have failed at times and gotten discouraged (believe me, many, many times). Sometimes I think that my peseverence is in vain but I don’t ever feel discouraged.
This is more relevant for daily tasks and goals than long term dreams. Don’t dream to be a mediocre person. Dream big, but break that dream down into small, daily actions that inch you closer to it every day. If we could imagine that an exam is a fight, imagine every day is a perfect day to train for the final struggle.
Lesson to apply : One tiny step forward beats one giant leap sideways.
3. A single battle distracts them from the war
It is disappointing to lose any battle. Sometimes it’s devastating. If you lose your job, if you don't find emotional support from the people you care, it becomes almost impossible to be positive.
But the war is not over, is it? It will never be. If your business fails, won’t you know several key things NOT to do next time? Objectively, it’s a highly useful learning experience, at least it was for me. I made marvellous progressions, steps that I will never thought I could take.
Make sure you're not one of the many people who attach their identity to a submarine. If you mentally attach your identity and your chance to succeed to your business or in a jo, and your business fail or you get fired (shit happens...), your really cool submarine is destroyed, and you're stuck under water (surrounded by predators and without air, without people you can rely on and without money - we hate money but we need them). Instead, you should see your carrier as a ship that could possibly (one chance in millions) take you where you would like to go. That way, if it sinks, you can jump overboard and still join a pirate crew (good ingineers can become hackers :) ).
The optimal strategy in life is to focus on winning the battle you're in. I think most of us get this step right, but miss the next crucial one.
In real war, conditions and possible scenarios are altered after a battle. Both sides have gained knowledge about the other side's firepower and tactics, and both sides have lost resources. This calls for a modified strategy, which means zooming out for a broader view of the war.
Immediately after you receive that rejection letter, re-strategize for your "war". As Darwin said, "it is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive but those who can best manage change."
The most successful leaders in the history of warfare were the ones who could modify their strategy quickly, decidedly, and strategically.
Even if you win a battle, you can lose ground in the war by not anticipating and preparing for the next battle. Life is full of battles, and the key is not letting any single battle distract you from your main objective in your "war" – Fight to live how you want to live.
Lesson: If you’re not currently in battle or have just finished (an exam), zoom out your focus to determine the current best strategy, then zoom back in and prepare for your next battle. On the other hand, you cannot afford to spend many time caught in the maze of eternal remorse.
4. Confidence doesn't guarantee success but it surely contributes to it
If you go in expecting to fail, you've got a great chance to do it. If I expected Destiny to wear me out, and waste my time, why would I write this? Pessimism leads to failure because it decreases the amount of effort a person will put forth. Success requires effort, which is fueled by the perspective that your efforts are not in vain.
Lesson: You instinctively hesitate to invest in a sinking ship, even if you're the one sinking it. Take a leap of faith, for charity.
5. fear is not real it is the product of our thoughts. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice.
Fear must be cold, because it freezes people. Deer are famous for freezing right before a car hits them. Like that situation, freezing in place isn't a smart strategy in life.
Progress paves the the way to success.
If it takes 10,000 hours to master something (Chemistry and Biology for me) and fear makes us do nothing, then fear needs to go away. Face your fears and you'll find success right behind them. Overcoming fear is a success in itself, and it opens the door for more.
Lesson: Learn to use fear as a weapon to achieve your goals and not as a demotivating argument.
6. The future stands in your hands (if you are unlucky as me).
"If she didn't … If I wasn't living here… If the economy… If that hadn't happened…"
Excuses and throwing blame are the same way of saying, "I'm not in control. "Now that's scary.
Everyone had a perfect excuse when the economy went into a recession in these past few years, but after telling everyone their perfect excuse, they were still in the same mess. Meanwhile, other people did well because they adapted ( once again survival of the fittest).
.
Excuses feel good temporarily, but don't be fooled, they can only hurt you. Accept full responsibility for where you are, and you'll have a chance to change it for the better.
Lesson: You are the only variable you can control in this world, master your actions wisely, make them count.
7. Maybe it's not the person, it's the place
Sometimes failure is simply a matter of location – the wrong country (at least I was born in Romania and not in Africa), the wrong parents (if only my parents were rich people), the wrong job, the wrong hobby (reading it's not so appreciated by those who claim it, at some point reading and writing become a question on making money and I cannot aprecciate if it's good or bad). This is the tricky aspect of failure – knowing when to move on to something else. Not all people are capable of success in all things, in fact most of us are capable of success in some areas and this is enough for many.
Right now, there is someone doing a mediocre job at work (I picture me at my former job at this hour), who could be world class in another field (maybe I was). This is a good reason to experiment and try different things – you might latch on to something and love it enough to succeed with it. Sucess is also bases on the sacrifices you are willing to make to accomplish your dreams.
Lesson: If a fish and a human switch places, they will both die of suffocation. Location matters.
8. Passion is the key to success
Apathy can infect any area of our lives, and when it strikes, it produces bucketfuls of failure. The scariest part of apathy is how contagious it is. You'll have it in one area of life, feel the resulting failure, and let it spread to another area. Or your apathetic friends will rub off on you.
This is one more reason to experiment and try different things – to ward off apathy. The more excited about your life and the possibilities to explore, the better! Apathy can often lead to the worst-case scenario of human life. That worst-case scenario is next on the list as the number one reason for failure, and it's the saddest thing you’ll ever see in a human being.
Lesson: The more you care, the more you’ll succeed.
9. When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place
It crushes me to see it – a human being full of potential…giving up. Suicide is the ultimate expression of giving up and in my opinion it is life's most tragic event. We all have a place in this world and suicide is giving up before you find it.
Giving up isn't always so obvious. Anybody you see could be giving up in some area of their life.
If you've ever seen someone you love give up on their dream or struggle, even temporarily, you know of the sinking feeling you get. Giving up is the number one reason people fail because it is the only permanent failure. As long as you are actively trying, you have not failed yet. But once you give up, success will not arrive unexpectedly.
You can have the worst strategy and focus on all of the wrong things, but as long as you keep trying, you will learn and have hope. That is an important truth.
Failure happens; none of us escape unblemished. But for every single person who has ever lived, the secret of life is an unflinching, inspiring little phrase that has shaped nations, bought freedom, saved lives, and fulfilled so many dreams…
I did not come here to suffer, or the love of stubborn gladness
Which doesn't mean shit always goes right. But it means that I try to live by the code of the poet Jack Gilbert: "We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world."
Cheers to stubborn gladness, then.
Let's take a moment and reflect : stubborn gladness. I realized that those two words summed up my entire life philosophy: stubborn gladness.
Stubborn gladness does not mean ignoring negativity, injustice, or social inequality. It means continuing to work, trying to find the good, seeing the good, loving the good and even finding the beauty in the imperfections. Because light could not exist without dark, in the same way happiness would not exist without suffering. It's important to work in order to accomplish your dreams, because in realitydreams don't just come true.
Happiness is a human right (not yet recognized by laws), something that everyone is capable of with a little work, reframing, and contemplation. Happiness is the main purpose of that we call life. Or at least it should be. A life lived in pain or working without personal satisfaction is not worth lived. Happiness shouldn't be an impossible pursuit. It is not selfish to strive for it, work for it, and find it.
What's more: You create the life you want. You decide whether to fill it with passion, love, positive people and positive actions or whether to fill it with unfulfilling actions, negative people, or suffering.
Happiness is everywhere: you can find at the gym when you exercise, in park with your friends, the smile of a stranger, a long walk gazing at the stars on the sky. It is in your drum playing, your 10 minutes of meditation, your introspective journaling. It is in your latte from your favorite coffee shop, fall leaves, your conversation with your best friend. It is in your favourite meal, a good wine (rose for me) a play at the Opera, a good movie or good music. It is everywhere, in everything, if you have the courage to lift your eyes and look further.
Happiness is the begining of a wonderful period in one's life, a state of mind that is the minimum required to do great things, amazing performances.
marți, 29 septembrie 2015
Finding a companion in life : randomized process or follows patterns ?
I recall that the first books I read when I learned to read in my early infance were the greeks myths gathered togheter and retold by a romanian author. I read those two books several times.
So, from then I thought about life generally speaking and one's faith. What is a human if not a grain in the sand. So fragile and yet so courageous.
To sum all stories, in my childhood appeared to my mind the idea, yet unclear of faith and predestination. How much do we owe your achivment in life to ourselves and our proactive actions and how many to destiny ? And most important : in this life there is afterall that so divinized free arbitrage or is just water in the rain ? Do we have a word in designing your destiny or we just have to fallow the faith as it moves sneak as water between the rocks ?
I cannot avoid to observe people ; their character, personality, behavioural and gestures, even voice and mimics. And if this wasn't enough, following my law studies, I cannot avoid to judge them. :( Bad prosecutor, I never forgive and bad judge, I refuse to admit excuses or exhonerating circumstances.
Sometimes I wish I were wrong, but nature has its own ways. Things don't always happen as we hoped they will and eventually facts confirm my basic instincts. More then anyone else I known, I would give some years of my life just to see I am wrong and that the light at the end of the tunnel is a glourious end.
However, in choosing a life partner, stars must be align in "a very positive way. :)"
We tend to choose a partner basing on reasoning and as someone special to me said : You know, you may have many realations with special persons and there may be tones love and passion between you, BUT when you choose "someone to breed", a life companion, you choose someone like you, preferable the same social statute, background and aspirations. So love and marriage are like parralel lines that seem to meet at some point but that in fact never will. End of the story or the begining of the story.
Based on this conclusion, finding a person with whom we build a long lasting relation is a randomized process or follows patterns ? We choose someone because we meet in a certain place (and this makes half of the story), of course it would be funny to imagine a love story between a judge and a convicted person but never say never. Life can be amusing sometimes, if you hold a degree in the Management of Sarcasm and you enjoy not always laughing at someone but also being the victim of a joke, a cruel one.
In order to be the master of your destiny, you have to follow it. I know a quote that goes as Follow your destiny or you will be destroy by it. True. Sometimes you have to take the Ego apart and be prepared to accept you might be wrong and you are a candle in the wind.
The most beautiful dream I had, a few years ago because now I have only nightmares, pictured me as a small particle in the universe. A tiny particle with a negligible weight, alone in space. I felt such a relieve to be one with the universe, confort I didn't found elsewhere. I looked on the sky being in peace with myself, admiring the beauty of the stars that shined. So much light and good and air. I could finally breath. Then, out of nowhere, it crossed my mind the idea that I may collied with another particle and that I have to return. Fear and tears. End of the dream, or at least of the part I remembered.
The idea of having a soulmate in my highschool years has the core of my existence. Then, over the years, I became less courageous because love is a bet and I fell I cannot lose a game. Growing old and becoming weak.
Come what may, I will use my poker face, but I don't want to lose this game. The speech of Aristophanes in story Symposium by Plato explaining why people in love say they feel "whole" is due to the human nature. In a few words, at the begining of time people had double bodies, being spheric creatures that were splitted apart by Zeus because they were powerful creatful and the gods feared their power. He thought to kill them but considered the advantage of using them so he split the sphere in two. And ever since then we are in a permanent search of the other half to comple our primarily nature.) For me, it's terrifying to accept that idea.)
No problem for me. There are plenty of solutions for coward and lazy people as me. This is why I love greeks and greek culture. No greek book stated an unique idea that became "the one and only word, the sentence, the truth, the leading philosophy", there are many points of view. Different solution to the same problem. In other words a personalized life partner pattern for some and for other the dices roll and we obtain a randomized result (to a certain extent, some limits. Maybe the Universe is infinite but possibilites are calculated and found in a number).
I assume that men are enchanted with Socrate's speech from Plato's Symposium. :) Natures calls, unphilosofically speaking.
Socrates argues that men should make an ascent to arrive at the discovery of the ideal form of beauty (such as Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde, what if we remember what happened to the glourious beauty of the character endevoured by his ambition of sublime beauty).
However Socrates states that men should start with the love of a particular beautiful person (typically, of course, no personal comment). The next step is to pass from this particular instance to beauty in general, and from physical to moral beauty (three and still counting). The fourth step is to attain the love of wisdom, and then from this to the appreciation of the absolute and divine beauty. Platonic love or being in love with love. Life cannot be modified by phylosophy, it just happens, above thinking and desire.
Socrates doesn't consider that this self awaking and transformation involves "persons", and our "bildungroman" would be theooretically built by following what we have to do and not what we should do. For I have read many stories about women (feminist ?, neah..) that were manipulated and hurt by man, abandonated in the rain, literally speaking. Men that become a brute and that at least for a period of time if not for life become a painful memory, an open wound, perhaps never to be healed.
Indeed, if a game is lost, and love is the most thrilling game, you cannot pretend mercy from your enemy. We know what happens in battle with prisoners : death, slavery or exchange
I assume after reading these speeches three times and still counting that every one can have an opinion
and that we shouldn't take life and love seriously. After all, this speeches were written on a drinking party. As romans say : In vino veritas.
Concluding with the lyrics from La traviata, let's enjoye the beauty of love.
Libiamo, libiamo ne'lieti calici
che la belleza infiora.
E la fuggevol ora s'inebrii
a voluttà.
Libiamo ne'dolci fremiti
che suscita l'amore,
poichè quell'ochio al core
Omnipotente va.
Libiamo, amore fra i calici
più caldi baci avrà.
All:
Ah, libiamo;
amor fra i calici
Più caldi baci avrà
What is a saint?
"A saint is someone who has achieved a remote human possibility. It is impossible to say what that possibility is. I think it has something to do with the energy of love. Contact with this energy results in the exercise of a kind of balance in the chaos of existence. A saint does not dissolve the chaos; if he did the world would have changed long ago. I do not think that a saint dissolves the chaos even for himself, for there is something arrogant and warlike in the notion of a man setting the universe in order. It is a kind of balance that is his glory. He rides the drifts like an escaped ski. His course is a caress of the hill. His track is a drawing of the snow in a moment of its particular arrangement with wind and rock. Something in him so loves the world that he gives himself to the laws of gravity and chance. Far from flying with the angels, he traces with the fidelity of a seismograph needle the state of the solid bloody landscape.”
Look closely, because the closer you think you are, the less you will actually see
Although magic has been around for thousands of years, the art of magic has never been as popular as it is today, due to the popular culture cultivated by movies and art.
For proof of this you need look no further than Harry Potter and his school for magicians. Yet what lies behind the movies and stage magic we see today ? Prepare yourselves for a spellbinding tour of sorcery.
Turning water into wine ? A biblical story ! Magic isn't lacking in the Adventures of Tintin (my favourite cartoon character), but it often appears in the form of entertainment as opposed to the quasi-religious sorcery practised by many holy madmen and shamans in the past.
Such activities sometimes proved hazardous for practitioners, even fatal: at certain times during the Medieval Inquisitions (from the 13th century) sorcerers and witches were relentlessly pursued and killed as punishment.
Some say there are two types of magic : white magic and black magic.
Let's meet the seven secrets of magic
All magic essentially consists of some kind of distraction from reality. As they say, first rule of magic is to be always the smartest person in the room.
As the old adage goes "seeing is believing'' and the magician's art lies in his ability to make you believe what you can see without guessing the reality behind the scenes. Modern magic plays on seven awe-inspiring effects :
Levitation : a person or object seemingly floating in the air.
Apparition : making a person or object appear in unexpected places. This is the type of effect seen in the most well known magic trick of all time: pulling a rabbit out of a hat.
Disappearance : making things disappear. An assistant goes into a cupboard with the doors closed behind her. When the doors are opened, she is nowhere to be seen.
Transformation : the magician hides his assistant behind a screen of some kind ; when he lifts the screen (following some magic spells of course) the person has been transformed into an animal.
Teleportation : The magician's assistant is in a particular location on the stage and then suddenly appears in a completely different place.
Invulnerability : an assistant is locked inside a box which is then pierced with swords. At the end of the trick, the assistant steps out of the box without a scratch.
Mentalism : the magician reads thoughts, or sees people or objects while blindfolded. And has the ability to manipulate others behaviour by influencing their thoughts.
Can magicians change the course of nature ?
Certainly not ! The proof can be found within the pages of Prisoners of the Sun. So as to escape from being burned alive by Inca priests, Tintin makes use of an old trick. He discovers, through a newspaper clipping, that an eclipse of the sun has been calculated to take place in, eighteen days time, at 11 o'clock...He therefore asks to be executed at precisely this time.
When the hour of reckoning comes he makes the Incas believe that he has the power to make the sun disappear, resulting in pandemonium... and also convincing the Incas to spare the lives of Tintin and his friends. Nevertheless, a magic show or trick really does have some power to transform your life by helping you relax and enjoy yourself, forget your worries or suddenly solve a problem you have been worrying about.Tintin would definitely have made a good magician !
Can a hypnotist take control of your mind ?
These days even doctors use hypnosis to relax patients, in therapeutical purposes. It can also be used as a form of anaesthetic. Even if we don't believe in it, when doctors use it fevers and pain are reduced. Hypnotism hasn't always had therapeutical uses. The main aim of hypnotism in magic is to place the willpower of a person under the control of the magician. Hypnotised, the victim does things without being conscious of them making the phenomenon a wonderful element of drama and suspense.
The will of one can be broke by another will, a mind can be enslaved by another mind and finally breaking someone's will, will make you gain power over his life and lead him to the point you want to get. But as every power, has a major fault : using your power to psihically destroy other will eventually lead to mental disorders (seen on movies about holocaust when jews were executed, those militars who shot them go mad, also perfect illustrated in the movie Shutter Island. And there is no backward moving, once you destroy, the vase cannot be repaired, by any means.
So think twice. Mind your own business and foucus on your destiny for we do not have the power or allowance to interfere with that of another man. Whenever you think you fooled a person, think twice. You fooled yourself and broke the barrier between good and bad.
Magic should be used to create something beautiful, to show the others a great performance that will make them vibrate and most of all give them HOPE. Hope is the ultimate wapon of humanity confronting with their faith. (even if Zeus gave Pandora a box with all evils to spread on earth and hope is the last that got out), leading us to the conclusion that HOPE is an evil. It could be, but it is the last resort to be attached to in sufference.
So for those who think they can fool the others, a quote from Now you see me (I can hardly wait to see the next one in 2016) ! :)
"Let me warn you. I want you to follow, because no matter what you think you might know, we will always be one step, three steps- seven steps ahead of you, and just when you think you're catching up, that's when we'll be right behind you. And at no time will you be anywhere other than exactly where I want you to be. So come close, get all over me because the closer you think you are, the less you'll actually see."
Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity and chance is what happens when talent meets opportunity
We cannot have all we dream in life. At least not all of us because we always depend on somebody. This is the main reason so many trees were cut to write tragic novels and poems.
Not only that we depend on people, but also that we depend on their mood at a certain moment. Yes, people nowadays are connected to technology and information and they have that strong belief that they are gods or kings (when they are on their haunting territory). I believe it's called the complex of deity. As they are so confident about their important role in society, they can afford to treat the others "mortals" like slaves. It is a relation of submission.
And those who doubt about their moral capacity and intelligence firstly become the slaves of their incapabilitis and later become the slaves of the others. If your dreams cannot become true because you dream too big, you have to work hard to help the others achieve their ones. Yes, sad but true. Life is a fight and can only be a single winner.
I read an article few months ago written by Stephen Hawing. Briefly, he concluded that the world will end because of our agresivity. It wouldn't be a surprise to return to the inferior stages of evolution. I see people argue so convince they are right. Also, I see that the technology that was meant to brings us closer but fact distance us.
Facebook, that worldwide known social network...It Was a social network that was design to bring people closer and not taking them apart. Now, I see that it becomeS a network used primarly to analyse and to criticize and most of all envy people.
Why there are some that can afford an expensive trip in Bahamas, Seychells and I cannot ? And the list keeps going. Now, after analyzing our need of socialize, as Aristotel said we are "zoon politikon", I see that people need a network that can put them in the first place. :) Something like : You are the owner of your destiny and you are the most powerful of all and in the same time, you have thousands of friends and we all are a happy family.
We have to live in peace with our destiny and accept that some people just are made to have more than others no matter how hard we try to bring justice into light. Yes, life is complicated nowadays for all, but the true lucky and favourd by faith at the end of the day can smile.
If somebody would ask me why life is a tragedy for those who weren't born under Fortuna's grace, I would say it's simple and because it's simple is sad. Simple things are the sadest as simple words such as hate and love seem to be the hardest words.
In order to succed and be lifted up in the air, you have to accept that you have to do your best to make your destiny.
If you think that somebody can help you with something else except money and some words (people give advices whenever they can even if they aren't asked, unfortunately), you are wrong. To be emotional independent, it's the key to success in life. To bear your own cross.
People tend to become emotional attached and move backward towards their basic instinct. This is a good thing to do, considering that there are some "elements" who spend their life manipulating the others.
You have to dream big but to use perseverence to achive it. Learn day after day, never rest, always move. Use every breath to make you fell confortable with yourself. Enjoy every day as it is the last.
Otherwise, it's better not to dream at all and accept that you will work all your life helping those curious gods and powerful kings to build their dreams or better said that grotesque spectacle, for people without talent and substance (soul) don't have dreams or hops they just organize plays to be played by mighty slaves or actors.
I wish really talented people have the chance to be appreciated and encouraged in life. But sometimes, life is cruel and the dices roll independent on talent and intelligence or perseverence. Sometimes, luck plays a role when defines someone's life.
Some were born under a lucky star and we will never know they existed and others stoled the sparkle from them and made an artificial spectacle of fireworks. And what a spectacle! Quite a show....
However, everyday the sun shines for all of us and sometimes all that remains to be done is to accept that the laws of nature favours those who accept them and ruins those who defy "gravity".
When you do not accept the general order, DO NOT act. Afterall, it's better to play dead than actually be.
Maybe Fortuna will eventually turn her attention on you. Or me
One love per lifetime for some, tens or thousands for others...or de gustibus et coloribus non disputandum est...
One of the greatest challenges I see people facing as they look for a lasting relationship is the misguided search for ‘The One.’ Because I am single,I often ask myself whether there could be one and soul mate we are destined to be with in life. Thanks to Hollywood films and the rabid Hallmark culture in which we live, we have been socialized to believe there is one – and only one - person with whom we truly belong.
Perhaps this belief was more prevalent in the past, when divorce was frowned upon andgender roles were set in stone. Over the course of decades, some people have allowed themselves the freedom to define the kind of people they are and the type of relationship they want without seeking the endorsement of society. However, based on my life experience and the people I use to analyse, it appears that too many continue to look for their one and only perfect match.
For those who have been in a relationship for many years, they become aware of the compromises that must be made and the things they must accept in their partners in order to make the union work. Unfortunately,those who are single are stuck in a cycle of searching for the ideal partner. The truth is that ideals don’t find place in reality.
It’s impossible to say how many soulmates a person has per lifetime because there is no algorithm or formula to inform you (or maybe it is but we cannot broke the code yet). How many loves you connect with in a lifetime depends on how open you are to the idea of love. I know many people who invested everything in their partner and the relationship ultimately failed. For some of these people, they’ve given up the fight and will likely never let themselves commit to loving anyone else again. Why? Deep down they believe we’ve got only one love per lifetime. Unfortunately, I myself belong to this category.
Believing that we only get one soulmate is a trap that is based on fear – fear of loving and losing again. When you look at your ability to connect with friends and family, clearly you’re capable of loving more than one person. If you are single and catch yourself thinking there’s only one person you’re truly meant to be with, stop and think about why you believe this is true. Asking yourself meaningful questions (What do we really have in common?) and taking inventory of your wishes can help cultivate life wisdom, as well as prevent a great deal of unnecessary potential pain down the road. After all, if a relationship doesn’t work out for you, my hope is that you let yourself take the risk and attempt to find a more fulfilling relationship the next time around.
In addition to fear, the belief that we only get one true love per lifetime is deeply related with our society's insistence that monogamy is good for couples - and the moral choice, to boot. The important point for individuals is for everyone to make sure that they are being honest about their needs, maintaining flexibility and openness when it comes to the fact that their needs could change in the future, and remembering that they - not societal norms - should decide who they are and what they want. For some, they'll connect with only one true love over the course of life; for others, they'll sign on for something more adventurous.
vineri, 31 iulie 2015
I'm not getting old, I'm becoming a classic!
27 Summers. Yep...It's been a long trip and quite exhausting. I feel like am am 100 years long (even if I will never know who it is to live so long).
As long as I am breathing, in my eyes, I am just beginning !
I can say that I enjoyed my life, I felt so alive sometimes. Most of the times I am happy. I could be happier (if I were to be wiser) :)
So here is a short list of desires, for the future. Age is a state of mind, not a number.
I shall be grateful for every year that passes by because I learned so much and I took all I could from life.
I shall not become talkative and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and on every opportunity.
I shall renounce to the idea that I must straighten out other's people affairs. It wasn't, it isn't and will never be my business. Free will means I must not interfere with someone's faith. It's better and it's desirable not to be involved in other people affairs. So please God give me the wisdom to act wisely.
I shall listen to the complaints of others. I will endure them. But my lips will be sealed on my own aches and pains; they increase with the increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.
I must learn the glorious lesson that sometimes I might be wrong.
I will be reasonably gentle. I do not have the ambition to become saint (it is so hard to live with one of them) but a harsh old person is one of the devil's masterpieces.
I shall be sympathic without being sentimental ; helpful but not bossy. I deserve to discover merits that I didn't think I deserve them and talents that I didn't think I have.
....And as Audrey Hapburn said : the beauty of the women with passing years only grows!"
Happy Birthday to me!
miercuri, 29 iulie 2015
Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back
So it's dangerous to perform unnecessary investigation or experimentation under the penalty of losing life. But guess what a cat has nine lives :). I assume that it can lose some of them for the sake of truth to satisfy it's curiosity.
I myself am the cat. Or Sherlock Holmes (I used to call my mother Sherlock Holmes in high school), so I might be just Dr. Watson. It's not a tragedy, Dr.Watson works as well not to mention that Jude Law is one of my favourite actors.
So the idea is that Curiosity is an intriguing felling, to have that inquisitive thinking makes you explore, investigate, and most of all learn.
I thought many times at this insatiable desire of us to gain knowledge or information.
This is the engine of life. Over the millenniums, curiosity has been the driving force behind human development of brain activities which eventually lead to new discoveries in science.
But from where does this motivational desire stem? Maybe curiosity comes from a desire of reward.
My favourite theory is that called " Curiosity-Drive theory.
Basically, according to this theory, curiosity acts as a mean to dispel uncertainty. I personally don't like ambiguous situation, it's deep down in my psihological traits this long for coherence in one's life. As my favourite author said in one of my favourite book of all time, The art of war, we have to know us and our enemy very well to win a battle. Indeed we must.
My motivation to disrupt incoherence is that often small people spread uncertainty and try to cause an unpleasant feeling of uncertainty. Hamlet : to be or not to be, whether it's nobler in the mind to suffer or to take arms against a sea of troubles.
That arms are couriosity to seek for the true nature of action and the courage to take the destiny in your hand. If we are not the "Master" from the Master and Marguerie, we can and must be the master of our life. I fell we have to make many sacrifices to come to an end in life. But what would be the pleasure of the journey if we would have to sail through a sea of troubles.
Our national Anthem is more than explicit "wake up Romanian, from your deathly sleep".
To die-to sleep no more; and by a sleep to say we end...to die to sleep/ Form in that sleep of death what dreams may come...Must give us pause-there's the respect/ That makes calamity of so long life.
Wonderful! I could live my entire life reading Shakespeare and after all say there is more to read.
Such a joy I had time to read in my early years of life. Life without poetry would be like food dishes with salt.
So...conclusion...Seek for the poetry in the life for there is no justified fear. We have the obligation to understand us and to make the best of our lives.
Fear comes from ignorance, curiosity must work close together with courage to solve the puzzle. After all, we were made to question not to accept a reality. It's more than we thought it was, it's about finding true love and happiness in life.
To die-to sleep no more
For in the arms of this sleep we waste our life (luckily 1 out of 9). So don't worry, if you fail, there are eight other shots.
sâmbătă, 25 iulie 2015
Auzite prin oras.... Fetele discuta despre fete, baietii tot despre fete
Locul meu preferat din București : KFC-ul de la Unirii.
Ca de obicei m-am dus mi-am luat un meniu de HOT Wings (cu cat mai multe cu atat mai bine) si nelipsitul sos de usturoi. Doar ca de data aceasta nu intelegeam ce zice vanzatoarea "hot wings sau nu stiu ce" m-am uitat pe autocolant si am dedus ca ma întreaba daca vreau 5 HOT Wings si 5 copanele "ca in poza". Am zâmbit si am zis ca vreau combinat. (De fapt ma întreba daca vreau aripioare picante sau nepicante). Vi le pun separat zice, eu "Nu". Abia apoi m-am prins ca e marketing mincinos si ca poza minte.
In fine, multumesc, iau bonul si ma îndreptat spre masa cu tava mea de mancare nesănătoasă si injectata cu hormoni.
Ma duc in același loc in care stau mereu ( bine ca nu era ocupat), cat sa analizez oamenii de la celelalte mese, fara sa-si dea seama.
Evident lângă mine doi "copii" de 12-13 ani, baieti. Am început sa ma obișnuiesc cu copii mereu lângă mine vorbind, chiar ma gândesc ca poate as fi fost o profesoara buna, cum ei nici nu ma observa, nici nu ma baga in seama.
Numai bine, ei vorbeau ca de obicei de fete, mai precis le făceau inventarul cu mintea lor de copii : unul dintre ei zicea " pe X o stii?" "Da o stiu, vorbesc cu ea pana la 4 noaptea pe mess, ma obosește, sta cu mine toată noaptea"...iti dai seama o știe, daca vorbește cu el pe mess :)
Ma abtineam sa nu rad de fiecare data cand auzeam "si pe asta o stiu..."
Cred ca am ascultat 10 minute discuțiile lor despre fete pana a venit o prietena de-a lor (poate fata in pricina care toată noaptea il obosea pe mess).
Apoi mi-am îndreptat atenția spre un grup de puștoaice din fata mea: "stii ce a facut Adina...", a slăbit, arată nu stiu cum "fata"...
M-am gândit : fetele analizează fete iar băieți tot fete.
Oare de ce?
marți, 14 iulie 2015
Life should be beautiful. What makes us to complicate it ?
God...so weird...beacause most of the time I have nothing to do, I analyse people.
We are the best trained creature of nature. Sometimes I even think we are robots (or we should) without emotions .
I should have a wonderful life, full of fullfilments : learn, travel, work, love, but I don't.
It's too complicated. I have that strange feeling that my life is worthless and I will end up alone ( I would prefer this to happen) and that until I will close my eyes I will make many people to suffer.
This is a reality. And this is happing because I have emotions. If I hadn't, all will be happy; it's a creazy theory but when I know that I am alone, I don't act superficial.
After all life is a war (for those without the sense of humor) or a game (for those that enjoy the ride).
Day after day, you have to fight : to run for the subway, with colleagues from work, with colleagues from the University, with family members, basically and in the first place with your feelings and emotions.
What is the purpose? Well is guess that even if I don't believe in God ( actually I do and I have much faith, it's kind of difficult to express it in words), I truly, with all my being believe in Good. All to be happy because I was born and raised and educated in the common sense that all people are equals. And good and equality is something it is worth living for.
If we didn't believe in good, we would be no more than animals (live, eat and particularly mate, all day, all night).
In my life, from my infance I read. Many books; education isn't to be found at the University. It is in you. Of course there are some that have aquired knowledge in school, but isn't enough to be somebody independent, with an opinion.
I for example had the greatest marks when I was admitted at Sorbona University. You wouldn't want to know what happend to me and others colleagues that were in the same class as I (the Golden A). We were "slaughtered" by others robots ( people that only memorize and have to faith in Good and most of all do not respect the others, as they so wrongfully believe they are superiors).
However, it comes a time when we have to pay are debts, in so many ways. It's doesn't matter for me, as I feel no satisfaction when I see "justice".
I only hope that there will be a time when people will have personal ambitions and will read a book or understand a problem, just because, with purpose. To believe to admire nature and all its creatures, not to hate others because they have more then you have. okey, put it this way : they have more than me, they are more then me, how can I become one of them? Why do all just hate what they cannot understand. More than that, in the ART of War (one of my favorite books) it is stated clearly : Respect you enemy.
I have confrounted many, with more or less than me. They hate with all their heart and want to destroy others to take their place. Why don' respect the enemy and assume a war with justice?
Yes, we humans are weak, because we love and care, and this makes us easy targets for robots that just want vengence.
And another important aspect of our lives is to leave our dream, do not interfere with others dreams and most of all do not want to help the others build their dream.
Life is a lost battle at least for me...I feel that I have so many informations to share and it's a pleasure to speak with people about history, about health and to listen to them.
It's brokes my heart to see millionaires that ask me who is Cristofor Columb or "supervisors or super humans" that say Givenchy "ghivenci".
I read people's face, unfortunatelly for me. To see somebody with power and money with education, it's the greatest pain I have experienced in this life.
I can accept that we are not perfect, but if you have less knowledge than other, you should respect him Any try to learn not to immitate!!!!! Him. Try to think and see as he does, do not disrepect him.
Nobody will be smarter if it immitates something. In order to understand somebody, you have to respect him.
So, to conclude, life would be less complicated with more work and less talking. And train daily your brain and body as if the great war is to come. Have feelings and emotions because this makes us natures greatest achivement, but learn to control them. Do not let the others speculate on you weakness and emotions.
Respect your enemy and fight with degnity.
"Let them be shown that we choose to die on our feet, rather then live on our knees!"
sâmbătă, 11 iulie 2015
Of love and other impossible pursuits...
I finished a book that is very impressive : Doctor Jivago. In fact, all russian books are a masterpiece, at let's for me. I don't know what's that intruiguing with these russian authors...probably because we share the same fears and feelings as russian...we are in a continous and endless seek of ourselves and we try to find our soulmate, the missing piece from the puzzle in every person we meet, but we know that the battle is already lost. Because life is tragic and we love love stories without happy endings. If the story would have a happy end then story is a common one. We, people like to see tragic endings to love stories not only in books but also in reality.
I must confess that I like happy endings and I truly believe that if we want somebody or something, we will have it. But in reality, we are limited and I was limited by time and my knowledge at some point. Whether it was the right person at the wrong moment, whether it was the wrong person at the right moment.
And what about love in this equation ? There are many types of love, none the same with other. Why every time I look to a person, I see sadness or indiference ?
I thought many times how do I got to a point where I don't believe in love, that true and great love of one's life. Coincidence, bad luck and a lot of stupidity. All in all, there is no love, only lines that meet at some point in space and maybe they will separate or evolve toghether.
That feeling of fear of the unknown, of the butterflies from my stomach will never exist. I feel tired of others feelings, emotions. It comes a point in one's life when nothing counts. And yes, you do hope nothing will happen ; it' s too complicated and people do not like happy stories with happy endings. They like a comfortable life, without complications. And if somebody, by chance falls in love with him/her then that one is stupid. After all, we shouldn't care because it doesn't affect us directly.
If I look back to my life, I find nothing. Love is a great feeling and a hope for a better world. But nowdays all is complicated and we have to sacrifice our feelings to achieve a higher status in society. I had so many opportunities to meet people so diverse, from school, faculty, work, every day life and I didn't see a potential "life partener " everywhere I looked. However, at least in books others have found what I didn't and not only one soul mate.
This is the reason I like russian literature so much : because writers seem to be more pragmatic, they don't write this is the one and only love, they show a human's evolution all along his life. Let's exercise a little : just imagine that in an universe you have the chance to meet somebody and in a parallel universe you pass by that person without even knowing it exists. You are still you ? And your soul?
For me it's simple: love is impossible such as happinness and so on.
I don't know why... The others seem they are the guardians of life as we know it, with goods and bads, and that they won't allow anything out of common to happen. It can't be, it's against nature. And they are right.
Animals in nature behave in the way they do in order to live and prolong the specie. Even if an animal would want to do a thing against nature, it couldn't. Nature is made in a sense that all live and we grow toghether, even if by different paths. All are equals and we have to obey the laws of nature.
As I used to say, maybe another time in another life, but now no...it'impossible
luni, 6 iulie 2015
Dreaming is believing, seeing is deceiving or my favourite quote : look closer because the closer you look the less you see
I a world in a permanent move and in a continous change, we are more and more just a tiny dot (a pixel).
What can make the difference between a common human and a exterordinary destiny ?
For me and only for me chance. And also perseverence. To be the right one in the right place.
And what about intelligence ? I don't believe that there is a notable between people in a large extent to conclude that there are intelligent humans and NON intelligent.
In these days, it is very important to have as strong personality to accomplish your plans.
Psichology has transformed the way the play is performed. Many use the knowledge of the human thing in their own interest.
You don't have to neutralise someone, you just have to destroy his mind.
I will talk about a case that I had the misfortunate to see
in the last few months.
I didn’t think I will ever meet a “lost case such as me”. Sincerely,
never.
I finished the Law School. I know that every case is by
default a lost case and that if somebody sometimes wins it’s because somebody
has to. It’s not that he has the fortune in his hands: maybe luck, maybe money,
maybe chance, more plausible continuity and perseverance.
I believe we cannot confront faith without a lost: some lose
money, other their lives and other their minds.
I will analyze the case when the tribute is the mind. When
somebody loses his mind, he tries to make the other hurt just to feel
satisfied. He knows that he lost everything and works on his best in every way
he can to determine the other to pay attention to him. And if he has to make
them suffer, it doesn’t matter. I’m destroyed; the Universe must end with me,
he thinks. Instead of building another dream, he spends his like trying to
destroy the other’s dream.
But, karma works. Yes, it does. And it’s not that it’s right
and this is the way it should be, it works because the way we see the others is
our reflection on how we understand the world. The way we see someone, gives
him an attribute. And if we want to destroy someone, we have to destroy our own
reflection in his entity, what we believe he is. It’s literally the same thing as eating your
flesh.
You will die trying to capture your own projection. It’s
just not possible to destroy the universe if you want to survive, because you
are a part of it, you belong to it. If you want to make a difference, you must adapt
and live according to the general rules. If someone hurted you, you have to
move forward and don’t listen to their excuses. There is no excuse.
In other words, stay as far as you can of the projection
they have of you. It’s too dangerous and worthless to try to put an end to
their fantasy. I myself tried, with no result and a great loss. It simply doesn’t
worth the effort.
In a world full of holograms and projections of ourselves,
we have to adapt in order to survive. To accept that the others have the right
and the capacity to build their world. Maybe you are a part of their fantasy,
even if you don’t want. Their
fantasy is limited by their thinking.
In order to escape that prison, being trapped in other one
dream, you have to be adapted to the reality more than he is.
The question is: are you the master of your life or a
projection of other’s frustrations (or in the best case of their desires)?
Make a difference and do not let other interfere with your
destiny. After all, life is unique and must be wonderful.
Believe me, living with somebody that hurts you in every way
he can to fell powerful will not contribute to a happy end. Nor to argue with
him or to explain him that he’s wrong. Like talking to a wall.
I wish that we would have a drogue to fix other’s minds. But
there isn’t at this point.
There would be so more to write about this subject. Maybe I
will put on paper my experience another time.
What I learned in this life is that people are insatiable of
power. Power gives them life. However what gives you power, also destroys you. Like
a sword with two sides.
In conclusion, it’s easier to use a person as a pole to
build your dream house than to being the construction from zero. Such a pity…Wasted
energy
Above all, we are defined by the choices we make…whether we
turn to left or right, it doesn’t matter, all it matters is to truly believe in the step that you take.
I must say that in this moment I’m totally focused on
learning as much and as fast as I can…It’s a choice that I´ve made.
Why? I want to create something that defines me. I could
have a child. It’s the most realistic creation and has my personal print in
every cell, in every organites, in its entire being. I don’t have to “sign” “the
creation” because his existence is my print into this world. Quite obvious and
in a certain way, quite simple.
Biologically speaking, humans are design to create and
recreate themselves every day in every way, from the social point of view, to
the family point of view and so on. Of course we all have goals that we cannot
achieve at least at some point of our lives and we are frustrated by our limits,
or the limits of our “small circle”.
I read an article some months ago, and it’s still on my
mind. In just two words: virtual universe
Why not? This would be the simplest answer to a question
that we all have (but the answer it isn’t at all comforting). For me, this is
the proper answer. This will explain our
limits: the universe is expanding, we are changing in order to adapt, because
as Darwin (that famous father of human evolution theory, no need to discuss
further) said, the most adapted will survive.
We have to adapt to the Universe. It means to act in a
certain way in order to “breath the fresh air” every day. Maybe we have to
input some information in a program in order to generate an answer.
However, even in this virtual universe, I believe that
humans have a power others earthly creatures don’t have: the power to write
their own code. We are born with some features “the genetic package” (“mother
and father code”), and we, by observing other holograms (that have a
predetermined existence) can adapt to a more desirable form.
We observed birds…we build airplanes.
We analyzed the dolphins…we begun to understand the way our
brain communicates with the universe.
A lion will never eat grass…Instead a human can make choices
by his own mental capabilities.
Like the “Hello world“. On a display device, a computer
program will out put these words, depending on the language syntax.
To be continued…
sâmbătă, 4 iulie 2015
Hello world! Let's make this world a better place!