Of love and other impossible pursuits...

I finished a book that is very impressive : Doctor Jivago. In fact, all russian books are a masterpiece, at let's for me. I don't know what's that intruiguing with these russian authors...probably because we share the same fears and feelings as russian...we are in a continous and endless seek of ourselves and we try to find our soulmate, the missing piece from the puzzle in every person we meet, but we know that the battle is already lost. Because life is tragic and we love love stories without happy endings. If the story would have a happy end then story is a common one. We, people like to see tragic endings to love stories not only in books but also in reality.

I must confess that I like happy endings and I truly believe that if we want somebody or something, we will have it. But in reality, we are limited and I was limited by time and my knowledge at some point. Whether it was the right person at the wrong moment, whether it was the wrong person at the right moment.

And what about love in this equation ? There are many types of love, none the same with other. Why every time I look to a person, I see sadness or indiference ?

I thought many times how do I got to a point where I don't believe in love, that true and great love of one's life. Coincidence, bad luck and a lot of stupidity. All in all, there is no love, only lines that meet at some point in space and maybe they will separate or evolve toghether.

That feeling of fear of the unknown, of the butterflies from my stomach will never exist. I feel tired of others feelings, emotions. It comes a point in one's life when nothing counts. And yes, you do hope nothing will happen ; it' s too complicated and people do not like happy stories with happy endings. They like a comfortable life, without complications. And if somebody, by chance falls in love with him/her then that one is stupid. After all, we shouldn't care because it doesn't affect us directly.

If I look back to my life, I find nothing. Love is a great feeling and a hope for a better world. But nowdays all is complicated and we have to sacrifice our feelings to achieve a higher status in society. I had so many opportunities to meet people so diverse, from school, faculty, work, every day life and I didn't see a potential "life partener " everywhere I looked. However, at least in books others have found what I didn't and not only one soul mate.

This is the reason I like russian literature so much : because writers seem to be more pragmatic, they don't write this is the one and only love, they show a human's evolution all along his life. Let's exercise a little : just imagine that in an universe you have the chance to meet somebody and in a parallel universe you pass by that person without even knowing it exists. You are still you ? And your soul?

For me it's simple: love is impossible such as happinness and so on.

I don't know why... The others seem they are the guardians of life as we know it, with goods and bads, and that they won't allow anything out of common to happen. It can't be, it's against nature. And they are right.

Animals in nature behave in the way they do in order to live and prolong the specie. Even if an animal would want to do a thing against nature, it couldn't. Nature is made in a sense that all live and we grow toghether, even if by different paths. All are equals and we have to obey the laws of nature.

As I used to say, maybe another time in another life, but now no...it'impossible