Love story

...He died in a war and basically in this life she is mourning him. So she is trying to fill the emptiness he left by trying to forget (I'm not your babe, don't wanna kiss don't wanna touch, don't call my name...). There are two other men in her life, doesn't matter which one she choses, she is just trying to fill the emptiness with anyone of them.
Such a big world and yet so small ! The people seem so great and yet they have so poor choices. Said she
No one waits for decisions to be thought, they, as life does, just happen. A wrong decision brings so many more after it. Often you can see castles build on sand, waiting to fall at the first wind. But what are we, if not sand in the breeze, moving from a part or another as life goes on like a snake moves on the hot sand in the desert not knowing if he will see the sun set that day. Gea embraces us all with such a love that only a mother has.
After us, only pale shadows of a long lost war will remain, telling a story that no one wants to hear. Tears drop from her eyes....
It was a war, and it was lost. The creature belongs to the creator and no one will ever turn the curse of nature. The wheel spins forward, backward could?... Love, friendship, vengence, I know them all so good, but nothing compares to the emptiness of the black space. When you know there is nothing to lose, the falling brings a state of relaxation and in a certain way of conformation. Rolling in the deep of the space, waiting to fall, never to rise again, what can be more restful?
There must me a certain madness to find peace in war and love in hate.
And love...we aren't suppose to love, love is forbbiden to mortals. Only immortals can love in a way that no one understands, but it matter no more. She smiled for she knew then that if love had been forbidden to her, so it will be for all humans till the end of days. This is her legacy. A legacy of ice, cold ice. If she had blood in her veins, it would have frozen....Even the leaves of a flower which set near the window become suddently brown and fallen when her eyes glazed at it. But the smile on her face seems so natural, like coming from the heart. And her white skin shines in the night like the moon on the night sky. She could be taken as an angel. A fallen one, for her heart is poisoned with the thought of emptiness. She cannot move, nor speak. So great she was, and now only her eyes move, trying to find a meaning, a purpose. What if , defing nature s law, she could rise again? What will she do next? And where did she failed. A response that only the cold kiss of death will give. She closed the eyes for the last time, which is, as for all, like taking a leap of faith.
You belong to nature and you, mortals, don't have your free will, nor are you the masters of your faith. Death whispered while kissing her cold forehead. Your lives belong to others long before you were born and your being will continue long after your death.

A long distant star which shined on the winter night sky falled...taking with it dreams that never come true, and battled that were never won. Shadows of people she knew, and histories of long lost love that was never to be lived again for if there is a free will, it means there is no choice to be made.
Deep down we all hope to love and be loved; seldomly happens for feelings and emotions to find place in nature. Nature is selfish, it prefers exclusivity.  

That classical valse of arguing

To be or not to be...This is the question

Sometimes I have the feeling that people deserve their faith and much more. I come across so many people in different situations and they are making the same mistakes, independently of the age, social background or education. I suppose there we weren´t born judges and consequently, who am I to put stamps on others forehead.

However, we earn our place in the biological chain by our actions, so I suppose that the majority wins the dispute.

My opinion is that we are defined by our actions and not our thoughts. That we must confront our fears and surpass our flaws. And first of all respect people and cherish life.

Without fear of consequence, I always chose the right path. Independently on others opinions or my own interest. Nowadays so few fight for an ideal. Better for them, for a fight with ignorant people is lost before it even begun.

I am tired. Of people, and the general order in society as it is. 

I hope that the idea of reincarnation is only an ideal for some who believe in it. And I shall never live again in any form, on this planet or another because I found it s meaningless. I am not a genius, unfortunately, but not an ignorant person. To find wrong people in right positions at any levels and in all institution, is a sign of change. Perhaps the society is changing in the process of globalization and we are moving towards a new order.

The single reason that keeps me alive is to convince myself that resurection, reincarnation and so on won´t happen to me ever and that I will be deleted permanently from the system in that moment. This error will be permanently deleted from the system. :) No one will remember me and I will be nothing more than ash. Not a Phenoix that rises from it s own ash. Dust in the wind.

I read some time ago a book by Veronica Roth, Insurgent. Basically, the question was:

If you had to chose from living with memories of persons that are not anymore with us, what will you do?

Decide to forget, as if it didn´t happen or live with the memory of a past.

If it where for me, I would decide to live remembering the past. I can avoid errors although is paintful in all cases.

The reason of my misery stand in my character. I love people, I socialize, I believe we can collaborate at any levels. In reality, it happen that people are envious, sometimes ridiculous, greedy and power seekers.

To explain myself, the main problem is see is that men cannot accept that love is a valse in two. Maybe I appreciate and respect a person, but...Life brings us togheter and takes us appart. Stubbornness is unnecessary and unfruitful. To persist chasing an ideal or a person is meaningless and painful for the other person. Sometimes we have to let ourselves driven by the wind. In some cases we become tired of being somebody for someone and we dream at another life.

And to hate someone because she doesn´t love you, it´s kind of insanity. But I suppose it works, as I am sure that must of us were conceived as result of hate, indifference, vengeance, alcohol and so on. 

In conclusion, even if I have memories I wish I hadn t, I chose not to forget (until Alzheimer will visit me). Nor to forgive. Forgiveness is a virtue for the wise, not yet for me.

I chose to be myself and to say NO. People hate this answer although is better than being ignorance.

 
And this being said, I drink a glass of wine to cherish faith and arbitrary, for we are or choices. My thoughts shall be free like the bird in the sky and if it where to die, I prefer to die on my feet rather than life on my knees.

“With savages, the weak in body or mind are soon eliminated; and those that survive commonly exhibit a vigorous state of health. We civilised men, on the other hand, do our utmost to check the process of elimination; we build asylums for the imbecile, the maimed, and the sick; we institute poor-laws; and our medical men exert their utmost skill to save the life of every one to the last moment. There is reason to believe that vaccination has preserved thousands, who from a weak constitution would formerly have succumbed to small-pox. Thus the weak members of civilised societies propagate their kind. No one who has attended to the breeding of domestic animals will doubt that this must be highly injurious to the race of man. It is surprising how soon a want of care, or care wrongly directed, leads to the degeneration of a domestic race; but excepting in the case of man himself, hardly any one is so ignorant as to allow his worst animals to breed.

The aid which we feel impelled to give to the helpless is mainly an incidental result of the instinct of sympathy, which was originally acquired as part of the social instincts, but subsequently rendered, in the manner previously indicated, more tender and more widely diffused. Nor could we check our sympathy, if so urged by hard reason, without deterioration in the noblest part of our nature. The surgeon may harden himself whilst performing an operation, for he knows that he is acting for the good of his patient; but if we were intentionally to neglect the weak and helpless, it could only be for a contingent benefit, with a certain and great present evil. Hence we must bear without complaining the undoubtedly bad effects of the weak surviving and propagating their kind; but there appears to be at least one check in steady action, namely the weaker and inferior members of society not marrying so freely as the sound; and this check might be indefinitely increased, though this is more to be hoped for than expected, by the weak in body or mind refraining from marriage.”
― Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man

A successful person is built based on the lessons they've learned from failure...

Simply put, what does every person want? Success in their pursuits. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen, beacause people tend to forget to put their dreams into practice. And for many other reasons such as fear of the unknown and laziness.

1. Success mus be planned

Improvised living will give you unexpected results. You will always have a better chance to succeed in any venture if you have a plan. By forming a simple plan, former non-planners will increase their rate of success. (general statistics argue this and also by my own life experiences).

 Having a complete vision of your intentions prepares you to execute them and you’ll be more likely to flatten obstacles in your way. It’s been proven to be more effective. In other words, pragmatic persons tend to have more success in life.

Specific intentions work better because vague intentions are open to interpretation.

2. Don't try to climb a mountain before you even leave the house (Dream big but...not so big).

For 2015, my goal is to finally get my degree in Biochemistry with a good mark. I study every day for these two exams. One hour to study every day is precious but it won't get me that far. The value comes from starting and from studying every day. It takes time and perseverence to succeed.

In other words, whenever I have time, I review the lessons I have to known "by heart". I am never intimidated by the challenge, even when I’m sick or tired, or worse when other people try to discourage many (and there are some because they have nothing to do and it's funny, I guess). This one tiny step helps me bridge the gap between couch and science.

When you aim high, intimidation is common, and that puts your goal at risk. If my goal is to ge a good biochemist, I would have failed at times and gotten discouraged (believe me, many, many times). Sometimes I think that my peseverence is in vain but I don’t ever feel discouraged.

This is more relevant for daily tasks and goals than long term dreams. Don’t dream to be a mediocre person. Dream big, but break that dream down into small, daily actions that inch you closer to it every day. If we could imagine that an exam is a fight, imagine every day is a perfect day to train for the final struggle.

Lesson to apply : One tiny step forward beats one giant leap sideways.

3. A single battle distracts them from the war

It is disappointing to lose any battle. Sometimes it’s devastating. If you lose your job, if you don't find emotional support from the people you care, it becomes almost impossible to be positive.

But the war is not over, is it? It will never be. If your business fails, won’t you know several key things NOT to do next time? Objectively, it’s a highly useful learning experience, at least it was for me. I made marvellous progressions, steps that I will never thought I could take.

Make sure you're not one of the many people who attach their identity to a submarine. If you mentally attach your identity and your chance to succeed to your business or in a jo, and your business fail or you get fired (shit happens...), your really cool submarine is destroyed, and you're stuck under water (surrounded by predators and without air, without people you can rely on and without money - we hate money but we need them). Instead, you should see your carrier as a ship that could possibly (one chance in millions) take you where you would like to go. That way, if it sinks, you can jump overboard and still join a pirate crew (good ingineers can become hackers :) ).

The optimal strategy in life is to focus on winning the battle you're in. I think most of us get this step right, but miss the next crucial one.

In real war, conditions and possible scenarios are altered after a battle. Both sides have gained knowledge about the other side's firepower and tactics, and both sides have lost resources. This calls for a modified strategy, which means zooming out for a broader view of the war.

Immediately after you receive that rejection letter, re-strategize for your "war". As Darwin said, "it is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive but those who can best manage change."

The most successful leaders in the history of warfare were the ones who could modify their strategy quickly, decidedly, and strategically. 

Even if you win a battle, you can lose ground in the war by not anticipating and preparing for the next battle. Life is full of battles, and the key is not letting any single battle distract you from your main objective in your "war" – Fight to live how you want to live.

Lesson: If you’re not currently in battle or have just finished (an exam), zoom out your focus to determine the current best strategy, then zoom back in and prepare for your next battle. On the other hand, you cannot afford to spend many time caught in the maze of eternal remorse.

4. Confidence doesn't guarantee success but it surely contributes to it

If you go in expecting to fail, you've got a great chance to do it. If I expected Destiny to wear me out, and waste my time, why would I write this? Pessimism leads to failure because it decreases the amount of effort a person will put forth. Success requires effort, which is fueled by the perspective that your efforts are not in vain.

Lesson: You instinctively hesitate to invest in a sinking ship, even if you're the one sinking it. Take a leap of faith, for charity.

5. fear is not real it is the product of our thoughts. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice.

Fear must be cold, because it freezes people. Deer are famous for freezing right before a car hits them. Like that situation, freezing in place isn't a smart strategy in life.

Progress paves the the way to success.

If it takes 10,000 hours to master something (Chemistry and Biology for me) and fear makes us do nothing, then fear needs to go away. Face your fears and you'll find success right behind them. Overcoming fear is a success in itself, and it opens the door for more.

Lesson: Learn to use fear as a weapon to achieve your goals and not as a demotivating argument.

6. The future stands in your hands (if you are unlucky as me).

"If she didn't … If I wasn't living here… If the economy… If that hadn't happened…"

Excuses and throwing blame are the same way of saying, "I'm not in control. "Now that's scary.

Everyone had a perfect excuse when the economy went into a recession in these past few years, but after telling everyone their perfect excuse, they were still in the same mess. Meanwhile, other people did well because they adapted ( once again survival of the fittest).

.
Excuses feel good temporarily, but don't be fooled, they can only hurt you. Accept full responsibility for where you are, and you'll have a chance to change it for the better.

Lesson: You are the only variable you can control in this world, master your actions wisely, make them count.

7. Maybe it's not the person, it's the place

Sometimes failure is simply a matter of location – the wrong country (at least I was born in Romania and not in Africa), the wrong parents (if only my parents were rich people), the wrong job, the wrong hobby (reading it's not so appreciated by those who claim it, at some point reading and writing become a question on making money and I cannot aprecciate if it's good or bad). This is the tricky aspect of failure – knowing when to move on to something else. Not all people are capable of success in all things, in fact most of us are capable of success in some areas and this is enough for many.

Right now, there is someone doing a mediocre job at work (I picture me at my former job at this hour), who could be world class in another field (maybe I was). This is a good reason to experiment and try different things – you might latch on to something and love it enough to succeed with it. Sucess is also bases on the sacrifices you are willing to make to accomplish your dreams.

Lesson: If a fish and a human switch places, they will both die of suffocation. Location matters.

8. Passion is the key to success

Apathy can infect any area of our lives, and when it strikes, it produces bucketfuls of failure. The scariest part of apathy is how contagious it is. You'll have it in one area of life, feel the resulting failure, and let it spread to another area. Or your apathetic friends will rub off on you.

This is one more reason to experiment and try different things – to ward off apathy. The more excited about your life and the possibilities to explore, the better! Apathy can often lead to the worst-case scenario of human life. That worst-case scenario is next on the list as the number one reason for failure, and it's the saddest thing you’ll ever see in a human being.

Lesson: The more you care, the more you’ll succeed.

9. When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place

It crushes me to see it – a human being full of potential…giving up. Suicide is the ultimate expression of giving up and in my opinion it is life's most tragic event. We all have a place in this world and suicide is giving up before you find it.

Giving up isn't always so obvious. Anybody you see could be giving up in some area of their life.

If you've ever seen someone you love give up on their dream or struggle, even temporarily, you know of the sinking feeling you get. Giving up is the number one reason people fail because it is the only permanent failure. As long as you are actively trying, you have not failed yet. But once you give up, success will not arrive unexpectedly.

You can have the worst strategy and focus on all of the wrong things, but as long as you keep trying, you will learn and have hope. That is an important truth.

Failure happens; none of us escape unblemished. But for every single person who has ever lived, the secret of life is an unflinching, inspiring little phrase that has shaped nations, bought freedom, saved lives, and fulfilled so many dreams…

I did not come here to suffer, or the love of stubborn gladness

Which doesn't mean shit always goes right. But it means that I try to live by the code of the poet Jack Gilbert: "We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world."

Cheers to stubborn gladness, then.

Let's take a moment and reflect : stubborn gladness. I realized that those two words summed up my entire life philosophy: stubborn gladness.

Stubborn gladness does not mean ignoring negativity, injustice, or social inequality. It means continuing to work, trying to find the good, seeing the good, loving the good and even finding the beauty in the imperfections. Because light could not exist without dark, in the same way happiness would not exist without suffering. It's important to work in order to accomplish your dreams, because in realitydreams don't just come true.

Happiness is a human right (not yet recognized by laws), something that everyone is capable of with a little work, reframing, and contemplation. Happiness is the main purpose of that we call life. Or at least it should be. A life lived in pain or working without personal satisfaction is not worth lived. Happiness shouldn't be an impossible pursuit. It is not selfish to strive for it, work for it, and find it.

What's more: You create the life you want. You decide whether to fill it with passion, love, positive people and positive actions or whether to fill it with unfulfilling actions, negative people, or suffering.

Happiness is everywhere: you can find at the gym when you exercise, in park with your friends, the smile of a stranger, a long walk gazing at the stars on the sky. It is in your drum playing, your 10 minutes of meditation, your introspective journaling. It is in your latte from your favorite coffee shop, fall leaves, your conversation with your best friend. It is in your favourite meal, a good wine (rose for me) a play at the Opera, a good movie or good music. It is everywhere, in everything, if you have the courage to lift your eyes and look further.

Happiness is the begining of a wonderful period in one's life, a state of mind that is the minimum required to do great things, amazing performances.

Finding a companion in life : randomized process or follows patterns ?


I recall that the first books I read when I learned to read in my early infance were the greeks myths gathered togheter and retold by a romanian author. I read those two books several times.


So, from then I thought about life generally speaking and one's faith. What is a human if not a grain in the sand. So fragile and yet so courageous.


To sum all stories, in my childhood appeared to my mind the idea, yet unclear of faith and predestination. How much do we owe your achivment in life to ourselves and our proactive actions and how many to destiny ? And most important : in this life there is afterall that so divinized free arbitrage or is just water in the rain ? Do we have a word in designing your destiny or we just have to fallow the faith as it moves sneak as water between the rocks ?


I cannot avoid to observe people ; their character, personality, behavioural and gestures, even voice and mimics. And if this wasn't enough, following my law studies, I cannot avoid to judge them. :( Bad prosecutor, I never forgive and bad judge, I refuse to admit excuses or exhonerating circumstances.

Sometimes I wish I were wrong, but nature has its own ways. Things don't always happen as we hoped they will and eventually facts confirm my basic instincts. More then anyone else I known, I would give some years of my life just to see I am wrong and that the light at the end of the tunnel is a glourious end.


However, in choosing a life partner, stars must be align in "a very positive way. :)"

We tend to choose a partner basing on reasoning and as someone special to me said : You know, you may have many realations with special persons and there may be tones love and passion between you, BUT when you choose "someone to breed", a life companion, you choose someone like you, preferable the same social statute, background and aspirations. So love and marriage are like parralel lines that seem to meet at some point but that in fact never will. End of the story or the begining of the story.

Based on this conclusion, finding a person with whom we build a long lasting relation is a randomized process or follows patterns ? We choose someone because we meet in a certain place (and this makes half of the story), of course it would be funny to imagine a love story between a judge and a convicted person but never say never. Life can be amusing sometimes, if you hold a degree in the Management of Sarcasm and you enjoy not always laughing at someone but also being the victim of a joke, a cruel one.

In order to be the master of your destiny, you have to follow it. I know a quote that goes as Follow your destiny or you will be destroy by it. True. Sometimes you have to take the Ego apart and be prepared to accept you might be wrong and you are a candle in the wind.

The most beautiful dream I had, a few years ago because now I have only nightmares, pictured me as a small particle in the universe. A tiny particle with a negligible weight, alone in space. I felt such a relieve to be one with the universe, confort I didn't found elsewhere. I looked on the sky being in peace with myself, admiring the beauty of the stars that shined. So much light and good and air. I could finally breath. Then, out of nowhere, it crossed my mind the idea that I may collied with another particle and that I have to return. Fear and tears. End of the dream, or at least of the part I remembered.

The idea of having a soulmate in my highschool years has the core of my existence. Then, over the years, I became less courageous because love is a bet and I fell I cannot lose a game. Growing old and becoming weak.

Come what may, I will use my poker face, but I don't want to lose this game. The speech of Aristophanes in story Symposium by Plato explaining why people in love say they feel "whole" is due to the human nature. In a few words, at the begining of time people had double bodies, being spheric creatures that were splitted apart by Zeus because they were powerful creatful and the gods feared their power. He thought to kill them but considered the advantage of using them so he split the sphere in two. And ever since then we are in a permanent search of the other half to comple our primarily nature.) For me, it's terrifying to accept that idea.)

No problem for me. There are plenty of solutions for coward and lazy people as me. This is why I love greeks and greek culture. No greek book stated an unique idea that became "the one and only word, the sentence, the truth, the leading philosophy", there are many points of view. Different solution to the same problem. In other words a personalized life partner pattern for some and for other the dices roll and we obtain a randomized result (to a certain extent, some limits. Maybe the Universe is infinite but possibilites are calculated and found in a number).

I assume that men are enchanted with Socrate's speech from Plato's Symposium. :) Natures calls, unphilosofically speaking.

Socrates argues that men should make an ascent to arrive at the discovery of the ideal form of beauty (such as Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde, what if we remember what happened to the glourious beauty of the character endevoured by his ambition of sublime beauty).


However Socrates states that men should start with the love of a particular beautiful person (typically, of course, no personal comment). The next step is to pass from this particular instance to beauty in general, and from physical to moral beauty (three and still counting). The fourth step is to attain the love of wisdom, and then from this to the appreciation of the absolute and divine beauty. Platonic love or being in love with love. Life cannot be modified by phylosophy, it just happens, above thinking and desire.

Socrates doesn't consider that this self awaking and transformation involves "persons", and our "bildungroman" would be theooretically built by following what we have to do and not what we should do. For I have read many stories about women (feminist ?, neah..) that were manipulated and hurt by man, abandonated in the rain, literally speaking. Men that become a brute and that at least for a period of time if not for life become a painful memory, an open wound, perhaps never to be healed.

Indeed, if a game is lost, and love is the most thrilling game, you cannot pretend mercy from your enemy. We know what happens in battle with prisoners : death, slavery or exchange


I assume after reading these speeches three times and still counting that every one can have an opinion

and that we shouldn't take life and love seriously. After all, this speeches were written on a drinking party. As romans say : In vino veritas.

Concluding with the lyrics from La traviata, let's enjoye the beauty of love.

Libiamo, libiamo ne'lieti calici
che la belleza infiora.
E la fuggevol ora s'inebrii
a voluttà.
Libiamo ne'dolci fremiti
che suscita l'amore,
poichè quell'ochio al core
Omnipotente va.
Libiamo, amore fra i calici
più caldi baci avrà.
All:
Ah, libiamo;
amor fra i calici
Più caldi baci avrà

What is a saint?


"A saint is someone who has achieved a remote human possibility. It is impossible to say what that possibility is. I think it has something to do with the energy of love. Contact with this energy results in the exercise of a kind of balance in the chaos of existence. A saint does not dissolve the chaos; if he did the world would have changed long ago. I do not think that a saint dissolves the chaos even for himself, for there is something arrogant and warlike in the notion of a man setting the universe in order. It is a kind of balance that is his glory. He rides the drifts like an escaped ski. His course is a caress of the hill. His track is a drawing of the snow in a moment of its particular arrangement with wind and rock. Something in him so loves the world that he gives himself to the laws of gravity and chance. Far from flying with the angels, he traces with the fidelity of a seismograph needle the state of the solid bloody landscape.”

― Leonard Cohen, Beautiful Losers